Thursday, April 19, 2012

Catch up!

It seems like forever since I have been here and I miss it. I think pretty soon my blog will need a make over because so much has happened in the last year since I have been blogging.
When I started my blog I had only lost Hope and Luke and I felt there was hope for one day James and I having the privilege of having a child here on earth and during that year we lost our third precious angel Faith and now expecting our fourth blessing.

Since my last posting I was 14 month pregnant and just announced to our family and close friends that we were expecting and I think I made it public on my FB when I was 15-16 weeks. Now I am almost 29 weeks and we found out we are having a beautiful baby girl!!

I feel so blessed but so overwhelmed and I do not want to seem ungrateful for all that has been accomplished so far by God's grace and love. When I was pregnant with Luke my water broke at 22 weeks and lost most of my amniotic fluid by week 23rd. Doctors are not sure why my water broke so soon so to prevent the same from happening my doctor has put me on the progesterone shot ever since I was 16 weeks. I am a big girl and I can take pain pretty good in my opinion but after a while the shots can get a little old specially the day I get them.

On our anatomy ultrasound at 22 weeks we found out our precious baby gilr is growing healthy and beautiful but I have some uterine fibroids which are not so threatening to the baby because the appeared after 20 weeks into the pregnancy. It can eventually while I get bigger and the baby pushing on my organs cause some pain and discomfort and when I deliver it can cause some bleeding. Things could be worst but is manageable and can be controlled according to the doctors.

At 26 weeks I had my glucose test and some how I managed to fail it :( Now I have gestational diabetes and I am on a 6 meal diet and have to poke my fingers four times a day. Thankfully I went to see the Fetal Maternal Medicine Doctor on Monday and our baby is doing well. I have been poking my fingers for two weeks and my hands fall asleep at night and in the morning my fingers are soared.

Like I said I am beyond thankful that God has given us the opportunity to accomplish so much with this pregnancy but I am a little discouraged. I just ask myself that after all we have gone through with loosing our first three babies can we just get a break? Some days I do really good and others I feel like a whining baby but I know I am not. I know that I am strong and I can handle it but I just wish things were a little easier.

I am afraid to express my concerns because I feel like they will think I am just complaining when may I am but don't I have a right to? Yes I have lost Hope, Luke, and Faith but I am still human and I didn't see why I have to settle and not complaint. What is wrong with wanting what others have as far as the whole pregnancy bliss?

I am having fun and happy overall but I just thinks it seems it has been one thing after another and with all this things affecting me but again very thankful that my daughter is doing great! Ugh!! I just want to feel better and not hurt.

On a positive note my friend Susie is throwing me a baby shower at work next Friday and I am both excited and nervous because I didn’t get to experience any of this with Luke.
On May 05, 2012 my mom is hosting another baby shower with family and friends so I am looking forward to all of that fun stuff J

I also began my search for a photographer for Maternity and new born pictures and I pray that I get the opportunity to experience that which I am super excited about capturing this pregnancy.

I know things will fall into place with God’s help and whatever comes my way he will be there for me to pick me up when I fall. I just hope and pray that soon I will be able to hold my Ema in my arms healthy and alive and it will be worth every pain, ache and frustration that I am experiencing right now…..


Bren said...

Hi Merle!! I love to keep up with your blog. Life is really a rollercoaster. I haven't told much friends either but I too am expecting. I'm almost 32 weeks and taking the progesterone shots as well. I can completely understand your repressed excitement because of the history of our bodies and babies. But, I've learned that God always prepares us for when He sees fit, even after our struggles. Just hang on and enjoy the ride with your baby girl!:)

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