Sunday, April 7, 2013

I am thankful but I still hurt

One thing my mom always taught me was to be thankful for the little or the much that we had. One of the things she taught me at an early age was to say "thank you". We prayed before meals and thank God for them. We prayed before bed and Thank him for all his glory.

I have always been thankful for the good and even the bad that life throws at me. No one really likes the bad and how does it make sense to be thankful for it. Well I was also taught by mom that we learned from the bad that we go though life and makes us stronger and better.

I have always consider myself VERY blessed or for those who think being blessed is lucky then I guess I am lucky too. I had a "normal" childhood , family and life. Life has ups and downs and pains and aces. Life has happy moments too and let me Thank God for that!

Today I am thankful because even though sometime I wish would of gone back to college and finish a bachelor's degree or had a higher paying job, I am thankful for what I currently have. I am beyond blessed to have supportive parents, brothers, and a few friends. I have in my eyes and heart the BEST  husband in the entire universe. I have the most beautiful, happy, lovable, adorable, precious and just amazing little girl that fills my heart with much joy that I feel like one of these days it will explode.

And somewhere along the lines of all this mess that I am writing I am hurting. I am hurting just like everyone else that is going through something bad or difficult in their lives. I don't think that my pain is greater than anyone else's but I am sure that my pain is well justified.

I am mother with a broken heart. I am Emma's mother but I am also my first born's mother. Yes I am the mother of my precious boy. I am the mother of a beautiful boy that is in heaven. I am also the mother of three other angels that I did not get to hold in my arms or see.

I am hurting because one of these angels is still inside of me. My precious baby is no longer alive but still in his/her mommy's womb. I am hurting because although I know the drill it still hurst physically, emotionally, and mentally.

I am thankful!!!! I am!! but I am hurting!! I am hurting and there is nothing wrong with that. I don't love my daughter less for hurting. I do not neglect her for hurting. It does not make me a bad mother for hurting.

So don't judge me be cause the man above doesn't!


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