It has been a while....

It has been a long tie since I blog and I have all these stuff build up that I can't even explain!!! I want to SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel ANGRY something I haven't felt in a while. My pain has not gone away but the anger had faded away so I thought. I miss my babies so much and I feel weak again. Right after Luke I felt so strong and ready to face life with all its good and bad that has to offer me....But as usual I was wrong! I am not super woman and I am not strong! Being strong was a promise made to my son on the way to the hospital that I kept just for long enough.

I know God loves me and does not desires to hurt me but I have no idea why he choose me to be the mother of angels. I do not wish this pain on anyone else but I wish people would understand  this pain and anger that I am feeling.

For the last few weeks I struggle to get up in the mornings and I can't not explain how hard it is to put up a show at work and try my best to perform, but I am not. At least not how I want to and that makes me more angry.

I wish people's actions would not affect me as much as they do right now and yes I am serious about wanting to SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!